What Happens When Men Mentor Men?

New from Pat Morley and Man in the Mirror

An exciting NEW SERIES starts now in the Man in the Mirror Video Bible Study…..  (link)

SERIES: What Happens When Men Mentor Men

Mentoring Will Change Your Life!   

1 Samuel 3:1-11, 1 Thessalonians 2:1-12, Titus 2:1-2, 6-8

 We were barely seated for breakfast when Marlin blurted out, “I have a mediocre marriage, a mediocre business, and a mediocre relationship with God.” Many men, especially younger men, are in chaos. They don’t know who they are, what their lives are about, or what to do about it. They need a helping hand. Sure, many of these men don’t want help. But most do. And even men not in chaos could use a trusted friend and adviser.

But a lot of mature men feel awkward about the whole concept of mentoring. They don’t feel qualified to mentor. They aren’t sure what it is, why it’s important, what’s involved, or how to get started. But knowledge is power! So in this four week series we’re going to unravel these questions. By the end you will be empowered to make, and receive, huge investments that can change your life and the lives of other men. Join us and catch the vision to mentor and be mentored. It’s going to be a great day!

Warmly in Christ,

   Pat Morley

“For every church to disciple every man”

Coaching Stuff

Here are a few things on coaching I’ve recently come across that I thought were worth passing along to you. Good stuff whether you are a coach, are being coached, or just want a few tweaks.

When Your Default Systems Work Against You by Julie Jensen – I’ve often quoted and requoted Ken’s Boa’s words of wisdom: “The Word will define you be discipline; the world will define you by default.” These are words we ought to take to heart and live by. This article by Julie Jensen addresses some of the same issues that revolve around this idea. (from The Christian Coaching Center)

Champions Edge Conference Call - “The Champion’s Edge Conference Call is a complimentary monthly call that is open to the public and focuses on current topics that have risen out of coaching sessions. Each month a Building Champions coach will lead the 30 minute call on a specific topic and leave you with tangible Action Plans that you can implement in your business and life.” This resource from Building Champions is well worth your time. Good stuff found here.

8 Shocking (and Hilarious) Social Media Gaffes - It might be a stretch to tie this in with coaching… so consider this “social media coaching.” Very funny (and right on target) stuff from Darren Hardy of Success Magazine.

Grace and Truth,

What is the Biblical Basis of Coaching?

Below are a couple of good articles that provide a solid biblical foundation to the idea of “coaching” as a ministry. On the same subject, two good books that have been recommended on the subject of coaching as it relates to Christian ministry are:

by Phil Newell at ChurchCentral.com

Here’s an excerpt from Part One:

The development of a sound biblical basis for coaching will be critical if it is to be given a place of broad acceptance and usefulness in the Christian community in the days to come. This is an area that has only recently received serious consideration or study. The primary reason for coaching’s expanded application in Christian ministries has been based much more on its pragmatic value than a thorough biblical review.

As authors Linda Miller and Chad Hall acknowledge, “Coaching is growing because it works.”  And it does work – but that is not enough. It is vital that we take the time to determine whether there is a biblical framework for coaching and not assume that just because it sells it must be good. Pragmatics alone cannot validate Christian ministry.

Bible coaches?

We can safely acknowledge that none of the biblical leaders ever envisioned themselves filling the role of a coach per se. Not only is the title “coach” never used in the Bible, there isn’t another title, role, or ministry gift that exactly parallels the task of a coach. That being said, I do believe it is reasonable to state that much of coaching can be found in the context of biblical principles and practices.

Click here to read the rest of the article.

Click here to read “What is the Biblical Basis of Coaching? Part 2″


Book Review: Becoming A Coaching Leader, Part 4

Book Review for…
Becoming A Coaching Leader, Part 4
by Daniel Harkavy

(This is actually an older post, but in the spirit of my new feature on book reviews, I’m “reprinting” it.)

Title: The Core Four: The Foundation of Your Coaching Strategy

I like the way Harkavy begins his coaching strategy by focusing first on foundational issues. Sometimes, in a Bible study for example, someone will ask a very complex theological question. What the question very often reveals, however, is a lack of basic biblical or doctrinal knowledge. My reply is usually along the lines of: “You’re asking a calculus question, but we probably still need to remain with the addition and subtraction a bit longer.” In other words, folks sometimes want to put the cart before the horse. I believe it’s wise to keep a proper perspective before the people God has entrusted to our care. Only when they have a firm foundation upon which to build should they proceed.

Harkavy writes,

“It is not wise for us to spend time working on your daily priorities or disciplines until we have great clarity around your Business Plan. And we cannot have clarity on how you should align your team and resources around a plan until we know your strategy. So we must first understand what drives you, what you see as your purpose, and what you see for your organization in the future. We understand that your business or career is just one component of who you are, so we cannot effectively help you to build a business until we understand how your business life fits into your overall life.”

He will spend the next four chapters developing the idea of what he calls The Core Four Success Puzzle, which includes…

  • Life Plan
  • Business Vision
  • Business Plan
  • Priority Management

This was a short introductory chapter. I’ll turn my attention next week to Chapter 5, which is entitled, “Your Life Plan: The Coaching Leader’s Most Powerful Tool.”


Book Review: Becoming A Coaching Leader, Part 3

Book Review for
Becoming A Coaching Leader by Daniel Harkavy
Chapter Three

(This is actually an older post, but in the spirit of my new feature on book reviews, I’m “reprinting” it.)

Title: What Is a Coach?

Here’s a description of what a coach is and does…

A coach helps others win by helping them to discover the knowledge, strategies, Action Plans, inspiration, and accountability they need to excel and to reach even greater levels of success.”

Harkavy then provides these bullet points of a good coaching leader. A good coaching leader…

  • Is always improving,
  • Sees who his people can become,
  • Is an improver,
  • Helps his players move from point A to point B,
  • Never accepts the status quo,
  • Is succinct, and truthful,
  • Identifies gaps and gifts, inspires, and
  • Sees the big picture and clarifies the steps necessary for success.

I really love page 36. It was loaded with key ideas, such as…

The mission of a coaching leader is to meet his teammates where they are in order to move them forward by helping them to improve the skills, disciplines, and knowledge they need to succeed. He does this by helping his teammates to clearly see the right action steps to take, and then by holding them accountable as they complete each step.”

A good coach becomes skillful in asking questions that will enable the teammate to gain more clarity on how he or she wants to improve the various aspects of his or her professional and personal life. Your purpose is to help your people improve.”

Help them to figure out how to win both in their career and in life, and you will enjoy both success and significance.”

After briefly (very briefly) describing what a counselor, teacher, trainer, consultant, and mentor are, he offers the following definition of a coach…

A coach helps others to assess their situation and then improve their skills, disciplines, and knowledge so that they can make the necessary big picture changes (usually head and heart changes). This enables the teammates to align their steps and behaviors in order to accomplish and be more.

A coach helps them make additional changes that will enable them to benefit even more from they have learned already. And then, through a one-on-one relationship, the coach will ask the right questions and clarify and recall their convictions. This, in turn, will assist them to change their habits so that they can become even more successful and purposeful.”

I love this stuff. It really does get me up in the morning. One of the things that I’ve been trying to think through is what exactly do you call someone who disciples, teaches, mentors, coaches, develops leadership, counsels, and spiritually directs others?

Harkavy mentions at the end of this section that, “Each of these roles – counselor, teacher, trainer, consultant, mentor, coach – is unique, and good coach needs to have some skill in each area.” And I think that’s exactly right. I’ve seen the importance of that in my own ministry. In fact, I think a good teacher needs to have skills in the other areas… as does each area of ministry need to have skills in each of the other areas.

What are the core competencies of a good coach? Harkavy lists eight of them. I won’t go into detail, but here’s his list…

  1. Discernment
  2. Conviction-Driven
  3. Accountability
  4. Uses Systems Effectively
  5. Communication
  6. Self-Discipline
  7. Vision-Oriented
  8. Leadership

This was a great chapter and I wish I could go into detail regarding each one of the competencies. But instead, I encourage you go buy the book and learn about them yourself.

What’s humbling, and a bit overwhelming, about learning a new discipline or skill is the realization of how little I know about it. I feel as though I’m at the bottom of a large mountain looking straight up. And it’s intimidating to be sure. But it’s really, really exciting. As the old saying goes, (to change metaphors) “How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.”

Onward and Upward,

Book Review: Becoming A Coaching Leader, Part 2

Book Review for…
Becoming A Coaching Leader by Daniel Harkavy
Chapter Two

(This is actually an older post, but in the spirit of my new feature on book reviews, I’m “reprinting” it.)

Title: The Fuel of Great Leaders

For Harkavy, the fuel of great leaders is the combination of convictions and courage.

Harkavy points out that the desire to help other people is a fundamental conviction that energizes coaching leaders. He asks, “…do you believe that you have something of significant value to offer your key team members?” He assumes that someone reading his book will answer yes. Thus, he says, “This primary conviction, the commitment to help others improve, usually gets strengthened by a few other important convictions.”

He then briefly hits on what these important convictions are. A coaching leader will…

  1. Tell the truth
  2. Serve others
  3. Be aware of time
  4. Appreciate talent (side note – Harkavy says that “One of the greatest benefits of being a coaching leader is that if forces [him] to improve [his] own disciplines and actions)

Here are a few questions that some coaching leaders he knows ask their employees…

  1. If you were to die today, what would be said about you?
  2. What accounts in your life are most important to you?
  3. What vision do you have for each one of those accounts?
  4. Who do you want to become?
  5. What do you want to experience?
  6. What are the three to five things you need to do in each of those areas so that you can accumulate net worth in all areas of your life?

The point is this: a coaching leader cares for more than just the business-side of the clock. A coaching leader cares about the people in his or her life –whether at work, home, etc. Therefore, “They want to help their team members succeed in all of life, including after 5:00p.m.”

I preached a sermon last year that highlighted some of my spiritual mentors and how important they were in my life. Harkavy helpfully makes a similar point to his readers by asking…

  1. Who has made the most significant impact in your life? Why?
  2. What did this person teach you or share with you?

He follows up by saying that, “Chances are, you are thinking of an individual who really cared for you, someone willing to take a risk and invest in you.”

He then makes this important point as a way of summing up the chapter…

Do you want to know something? Your offices are filled with people who would love for you to be just that person.”

I was speaking with Len Sykes (who works with Ken Boa) a couple of years ago and he mentioned to me almost the very same thing and it has really stuck with me. He said that men don’t have other men who will really listen to them, without an agenda. He also said that men just don’t have another man who will come along and speak honestly into their lives. That’s really true. I’ve experienced that.

I think what is easy to miss in our culture is the veneer that people hide behind so that others won’t know how badly they’re hurting. Building relationships and trust with others is such an essential step in the process of investing your life into the life of another. It requires keen listening (a point that Harkavy will make in a later chapter). It also involves asking good questions. I’ll deal later with those two points in the order that Harkavy unpacks them.

Another good chapter. I enjoyed it because I resonated with his description of what undergirds and motivates a coaching leader. While I fall short of the qualities he outlines, it’s still a goal that I strive for.


Questions for the Pilgrim’s Progress

Scripture and questions to help you on your pilgrimage to the Celestial City and to help you look more like the King of that City.

Deuteronomy 26:17-19

    You have declared this day that the Lord is your God and that you will walk in his ways, that you will keep his decrees, commands and laws, and that you will obey him. [18] And the Lord has declared this day that you are his people, his treasured possession as he promised, and that you are to keep all his commands. [19] He has declared that he will set you in praise, fame and honor high above all the nations he has made and that you will be a people holy to the Lord your God, as he promised.

Question: Have you declared this day that the Lord is your God and that you will walk in all his ways? If not… why not? What’s getting in the way of you making that declaration?

Matthew 14:27-33

    But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”
[28] “Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”
[29] “Come,” he said.
Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. [30] But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”
[31] Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?”
[32] And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. [33] Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.”

Question: What has Jesus called you to do to serve him that will require you to get out of your comfort zone?

Question: In what area of your life do you need to trust God more? How are you planning to do that (what steps will you take)?

Question: What present storm are you experiencing that will calm as soon as you trust God and begin to worship him and recognize him for who he truly is?

2 Thessalonians 3:5 -

May the Lord direct your hearts into God’s love and Christ’s perseverance.

Question: Are you prayerfully and intentionally seeking the Lord’s direction for your life? If not… why not?

Question: Are you walking in the beauty and power of God’s love? If not… why not?

Question: Are you persevering in your pilgrimage with Christ, trusting and obeying him in the midst of the valleys as well as the mountain tops (and all points in-between)?

Question: Is there any place you want to give up? How can you keep moving forward with Christ? What’s your plan?

And these two great questions I got from Oswald Chambers this morning…

  • Is Jesus Christ more and more dominating every interest in my life?
  • Am I taking time to abide in Christ?

For the Pilgrim’s Progress,