Life as an Introvert

Referring to myself as an introvert is relatively recent. The reason, I think, is because for many years I had no real idea how to distinguish the differences between an extrovert and an introvert. One person is outgoing, likes people and can talk in front of a large group while the other one doesn’t like being with people and can’t speak in front of any size group… right? Well, it wasn’t quite that bad, but I was in the neighborhood of that sort of thinking.

Since then I’ve learned a better way of understanding a significant difference between the two: What gives you energy versus what depletes your energy. That’s not a scholarly definition, but it sure helps me understand myself a little better. Reading and studying stimulates me. Two hours socializing at a party makes me want to crawl in my bed and sleep for eight hours. I can do both; I can enjoy both… but one pumps me up and the other wears me out. Knowing this about myself can help me strategize how I approach life, ministry, etc.

Now, it is true that, left to myself, I will probably choose to stay in my comfort zone and gravitate toward being alone or with a very small group of people. That’s why I’m so thankful I married a forceful extrovert who occasionally has to blast me out of that gravitational pull and get me out and about more. What a blessing she is to me in this respect!

Over the years I’ve been collecting articles on this subject that have been helpful to me in understanding how being an introvert can influence me as a husband, pastor, etc. I thought you might be interested in reading them as well.

Grace and Truth,
Dale

• How Introverted Pastors Love at Desiring God
• Help! I’m an Introvert… and a Pastor at Pastors.com
• Help! I Married an Introvert at Gospel Coalition
• Four Lies About Introverts at Gospel Coalition
• 7 Ways to Help an Introvert Engage at Meetings by Ron Edmondson
• True Confession: Life as an Introvert by Ron Edmondson
• How an Introvert Handles Awkward Situations by Ron Edmondson
• 7 False Assumptions about Introverts by Ron Edmondson (He’s got other posts on this subject as well, but I thought four was enough. You can check out his links for his other great posts.)
• Staying in Community When You are an Introvert at Building Church Leaders
• Leading as an Introvert at Building Church Leaders
• The Christian Introvert by Tim Challies at Crosswalk.com
• Introvert? No Apology Required by Adam McHugh at Crosswalk.com
• Introverts: You Can Evangelize by Whitney Hopler at Crosswalk.com

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The Shepherds are Few

Matthew 9:35-38

Jesus went through all the towns and villages, teaching in their synagogues, preaching the good news of the kingdom and healing every disease and sickness. [36] When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. [37] Then he said to his disciples, “The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. [38] Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field.”

I think I used to always read this passage through the lens of evangelism. And to be sure, there are implications for that in these verses. However, it occurred to me that what led our Lord to make a plea for “workers” was the noticeable need for shepherds over the harassed and helpless flock of God. The text says that the flock was in such poor condition, that it was as though it didn’t even have a shepherd at all.

And so Jesus makes the point that the need is great, but that the workers – those who would be shepherds – are few. He then declares to his hearers that they (we) should ask the Lord to send such workers into these very fields that are in such desperate condition.

God’s flock is in need of faithful shepherds today as well. There are many families without a faithful shepherd in the home. Churches often have greater needs than the one “professional shepherd” on staff can respond to. The wayward, helpless flock of God is in dire need of faithful shepherds who will lead and guide her, nurture and feed her, defend and guard her, admonish and instruct her – love her to the point of pouring his life into her – even to the point of losing his life for her.

The need is clear. So why aren’t there countless shepherds standing in line to care for God’s flock?

One reason can be found in these words of Gideon,

“How can I save Israel? My clan is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the least in my family” (Judges 6:15).

Whether false humility (cowardice) or real, many flee responsibility before God because they do not feel that they are “up to it.” But since when has God been counting on unaided man to do his bidding? His answer now is the same as it was to Gideon, “I will be with you” (Judges 6:16).

This reminds us of Paul’s words to the church at Corinth regarding God’s use of the weak and foolish things of this world to confound and humble the “strong and wise.” God uses us, but he isn’t “dependent” on us. There’s an important distinction here. And that’s one reason the shepherds are few.

Perhaps another reason is the sacrificial nature that is required to be a shepherd. It’s not a romantic or glamorous post in God’s Kingdom. For those seeking their own end, however, it has often been used as a vehicle for their own name’s sake.

To such Peter says,

1 Peter 5:2-3 – Be shepherds of God’s flock that is under your care, serving as overseers–not because you must, but because you are willing, as God wants you to be; not greedy for money, but eager to serve; [3] not lording it over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock.

For those who would use their position of shepherd as a stepping-stone to their own power, fame, and wealth, Peter’s words must come as quite a shock. He reminds us that shepherds have been entrusted, by God, to care for his tender lambs. And their watch over them must come from the heart – from a genuine willingness to serve them. It isn’t a means to personal fortune. It ought not be drudgery. If certainly should not be a means by which power and control are sought after. It is sacrificial – my life for yours – your life for theirs.

To be an example to the flock is to be always “on duty.” It is to always be intentional in your thoughts, words and deeds. It is thinking, speaking, and doing rightly – Christianly – and then caring for the flock accordingly. This isn’t easy. It is a dying to self. But unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it cannot produce many seeds (John 12:24-26).

And that’s what we’re shooting for – many seeds – fruit that is good, lasting, and abundant (John 15). Our Lord has told us that the need is great. We needn’t look any further than our own family, church, friends – all of our spheres of influence. The harvest is plentiful, but the shepherds are few. Won’t you be a shepherd for God?

Stand Firm,
Dale

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God Looks at the Heart

1 Samuel 16:7 - But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”

This really is a key theme of Scripture. God always seems to pick the least likely candidates (by the world’s standards) to serve him – to even do great things for him. He does this because the truth is… it’s God who is the One who actually does the great things. Surely he chooses such weak and fragile vessels precisely to make that very point. He’s not interested in sharing his glory with another. He deserves it all.

When will I let this point sink deep into my heart, soul, and mind when selecting leaders to serve? Indeed, was this not how I, the least of the least, was chosen to serve? I cannot read the hearts of others, but I can prayerfully discern their fruit.

Gracious Lord, give me eyes to see what you see and help me trust even more that you are the One who will bring forth the results. In Christ I pray, Amen.

Joy and Truth,
Dale

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Training Your Son for Manhood

As one who spends much time working with men, the question of what it means to be a man comes to my mind often.

What is a man?

When does a boy become a man?

Questions like these are important to ask and even more important to answer well. And, of course, as a Christian I want to answer those questions biblically.

In about five days my oldest son will turn 13 years old. (I will have two teenagers in the house. I give thanks to God that I have such a wise, godly, mature, and hilarious daughter who has helped my wife and me ease into parenting teenagers.) I know there’s nothing inherently magical about the age of 13, but it does seem like a fitting time for a boy to start thinking about manhood… what it means to be a man. It is also crucial, I think, that he begins to be treated in such a way… greater responsibilities, decision-making opportunities, etc. (all under the careful direction of his parents). Those in the Jewish tradition certainly have found a wonderful way to highlight this time in a boy’s life.

Of course, parents shouldn’t wait until their son turns 13 to begin this process. Hopefully, “manhood training” begins at birth. My wife and I have certainly done our best to talk to our boys, in age-appropriate ways, about what it means to be a godly man. Yet, beginning on our sons’ thirteenth birthdays, there will be greater focus and intentionality on helping our sons navigate this time in their lives. I get to put my money where my mouth is in less than a week.

This is all still a work in progress, however, I have been thinking a great deal about how my oldest son and I might spend our time together. (There are some helpful books on raising sons and helping them move their way toward becoming godly young men. I’ll mention them at the end of this post.) Robert Lewis of Men’s Fraternity wrote an outstanding book entitled, Raising A Modern-Day Knight. In that book he makes much of the idea of marking vital times in your sons’ lives with various kinds of ceremony. For the age of 13 he suggests taking your son out to dinner (spend some money on it… not fast food). The purpose of this meal is to mark in your son’s heart and mind the reality that he’s moving toward manhood and will be treated accordingly. This time together can be an opportunity to share stories of your own childhood and journey toward manhood. It can also include hopes and dreams and actual plans for how the two of you will spend the next five years together before he turns 18.

My goal is to spend one morning a week intentionally discipling my son, (away from our home), working through the Bible as well as other helpful books on the subject of godly manhood. It will be a time of checking in with him, praying with and for him, seeing how’s he’s doing, focusing on particular issues in his life, etc. But most of all it will be a time for continuing to build and maintain a close relationship with him. Following our time of focused discipling, we’ll go and grab a bite to eat together and just chat about whatever may come to mind.

Beyond this set-apart intentional time of discipleship, my wife and I want to emphasize to our son that he will have greater responsibility in his life, which we hope to follow through with and give him. Yet there will also be greater privileges as well, which we’re still working out. More to come on all of this later. I’m also checking into how he and I might spend more time together away from home… whether it’s traveling together, attending conferences, outdoor activities, or other types of adventures.

My point in sharing all of this is not to show you that I’ve got it all figured out. I’m quite certain you’ve realized that I don’t. As I said, all of this is in process and I’m sure there will be many failed efforts. My purpose is not to present to you a finished and polished product. Instead, I want to emphasize that we must be intentional in pointing our sons to manhood. The world is only too happy to tell your son what it means to be a man. The video I shared last week by Mark Driscoll makes that point all too well (Make sure to watch it if you haven’t already.). As many others have said well, it’s a dangerous time to be a boy. The culture is certainly not invested in helping your son move in a God-glorifying direction.

A former mentor of  mine used to say often that ”the world will define you by default; the Word will define you only by discipline.” The same is true with regards to your son becoming a godly man. It will not happen by accident or by wishful thinking. It will come only by grace, faith, prayer, and lots of intentionality (not to mention persevering through it all).

I’ll do my best to check in with you and share updates of how it’s going… what’s working and what’s not. I covet your prayers as I begin this journey with my son. I desire even more that you will pray for him so that he will indeed become the godly young man God wants him to be.

Below are a few books that I have found helpful… including some that I am planning on reading through and discussing with my sons.

Grace and Truth,
Dale

1. Future Men by Douglas Wilson
2. Raising A Modern-Day Knight by Robert Lewis
3. The Measure of A Young Man by Gene and Kenton Getz
4. King Me by Steve Farrar
5. The Young Man in the Mirror by Patrick Morley
6. Every Young Man God’s Man by Stephen Arterburn, Kenny Luck and Mike Yorkey
7. A Young Man After God’s Own Heart by Jim George
8. Boyhood and Beyond by Bob Schultz
9. Practical Happiness by Bob Schultz

There are many other good ones that I’ll include soon.

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A Prayer for Fathers and Their Children

Unto The Next Generation

Deuteronomy 4:9 – Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them slip from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them.

Lord, a family friend planted fruit trees, although years would pass before anyone benefited from his action. I realize that it takes a special individual to plan for the next generation. Develop an obligation in me to pass on what I have received and add to it. Let me plant seeds in my children’s hearts. May I nourish them so they grow into honest and upright citizens who reflect their Creator. Amen.

Children of Power

1 John 5:14-15 – This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us – whatever we ask – we know that we have what we asked of him.

Heavenly Father, I pray my children will understand that they can make a difference through prayer. May they recognize your power and what they can accomplish when they pray in your will. May they pray daily so that they will grow in faith and become the Christian leaders this country needs. I ask you to anoint them with wisdom and give them strength and protection. My desire is that they choose to walk in your will all their days. Amen.

Taken from Prayers with Purpose for Men, Barbour Publishing, Inc. 2010

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Lessons from A City Clerk (A Devotion on Leadership)

Acts 19:35-41

The Ephesian city clerk was wise. He was a real leader. In the midst of an unjust riot against two Christian brothers, Gaius and Aristarchus, the clerk made a bold stand. There is no indication that this man was a follower of Christ, so I take it that his intercession was the result of special grace, while his wisdom and leadership was the fruit of common grace. As John Maxwell says, “leadership is influence,” and this man certainly had it.

First, he connected with the “Men of Ephesus” by recalling for them the ego-stroking perspective that the entire world knew that Ephesus was the “guardian of the temple of the great Artemis…” At this point he reminded them that the whole world knew of their important position, as well as the respect that such a position held (at least that was his implicit suggestion). Then he cleverly inserted a “therefore” to indicate that such an honored position in the world required decorum and order. This unnamed man saw the injustice against the two Christian brothers and was not going to allow it.

He cautioned the mob that these men had committed no crime or wrong doing at all. Message to crowd: Refined and respected citizens of Ephesus, the keepers of Artemis’ temple, ought not behave like uncouth and uncivilized barbarians. Moreover, his rhetoric seemed to suggest that because they were indeed so refined and civil, they could rightfully address any legitimate grievances with the local legal authorities. Furthermore, he told them that if they continued in such unjust unrest, they themselves would be the transgressors of civility and the law. Chalk one up for the city clerk.

After making his case he dismissed the crowd. And Acts 20:1 gives evidence that he must have succeeded in his efforts. The text reads, “When the uproar ended…” It is gratifying to see God’s common grace alive and well in the lives of pagans…even more so in the lives of pagan leaders. I wonder how Christian leaders placed in a similar situation would have handled it.

There are probably many lessons to be learned from this historical snapshot of an anonymous Ephesian city clerk, but that would require more space than this little devotion allows. I would like, however, to point out how intrigued I am with this man’s leadership. He didn’t bend and bow to the mob’s desires in an effort to gain favor with them. That’s sometimes my personal failing. The idea of putting my finger to the wind to see which direction it is blowing is all too tempting to those of us who loathe confrontation. But that’s not leadership… it’s cowardice. It’s the fear of man, not the fear of God. Equally as bad is the fact that there is no character or integrity in such weakness. The city clerk chose to do what was right – even in the face of possible opposition.

How many times has a Christian pastor backed down from a position (even a God-ordained one) because of pressure from the mob? To be sure, no one ought to die on every single hill that comes along, but there are some principles (convictions and/or values) that should be tenaciously held on to – ones that should yield no quarter.

My children don’t always know what’s good for them. They would be content to eat nothing but cotton candy and McDonald’s french fries for the next five years (come to think of it… so would I). But that would be harmful to them. I’ve been entrusted to shepherd them, and shepherd them I must. Sometimes, adults aren’t much farther down the road than children, especially when the mob mentality is at work.

God-appointed leaders must exercise wisdom and courage in such situations. For though it is usually true that “all of us are smarter than one of us” and that many counselors may surely provide good advice… that is not always the case, as the episode in Ephesus reveals. The city clerk was able to make the distinction (wisdom) and acted on what he knew was right and best (leadership).

May God give the same character and willingness to those called by his name to shepherd his flock.

Grace and Truth,
Dale

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My Life for Yours

(I thought I might share this devotion again. I wrote it a few years ago.)

John 12:24-26

I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. [25] The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. [26] Whoever serves me must follow me; and where I am, my servant also will be. My Father will honor the one who serves me.

In our scripture Jesus is teaching his disciples that he is going to die, but that he must if they would live. A kernel of wheat must die if it would produce many seeds.

Why hasn’t reformation and revival broken out across the church at Southside…or any other church around us lately? There are perhaps many reasons, but could one reason be that we are holding on too preciously and tightly to our own lives – unwilling to die – so that we might reproduce many seeds through our deaths? Do we love our lives too much in this world, so much so, that we are actually losing our lives?

My life for yours. Genuine, substitutionary, and sacrificial living. Following and serving our King wherever he may lead…to whatever end. This brings honor from the Father. This glorifies the Father.

My life for yours. Training and nurturing our children in the Lord – when we rise, when we go to bed, as we live throughout the day, when it’s convenient, when it’s inconvenient – making sure that our children are not merely “taught at” but saturated in the things of God each day, all day – because they are eternal beings and heirs of the King. “I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds.”

Are we leaving a godly legacy to and for our children and our children’s children for a thousand generations? Are we dying so they can live – really live? Can we think outside our individual lives to see how our own deaths will extend the Kingdom of God by producing many seeds? Will we believe the promises of God that he has made regarding faithful, covenantal parenting? My life for yours and for a thousand generations after you. Talk about a payoff!

But this is hard. That’s why it’s called death. Death to self. It is intentional, committed, disciplined. It’s every day, all day. It’s the discipling of our children because it is our joy, blessing, and responsibility before God to do so. Our lives for theirs. The Kingdom of God grows in such ways. Darkness is engulfed by light through such ways. Reformation and revival are ushered in through such faith and obedience. God promises blessings to such as these.

We must die. We must do with less stuff if it means more time with our families. We must wrestle with our children at the end of the day…even when we are tired. We must discipline our children, even when we would rather not. We must cast a God-glorifying vision before our children (and reiterate it every day) of who they could be for Jesus. We have to read great stories to our children (even when we’d rather doze off) so that their imaginations can ignite as they put themselves in the places of the characters in the stories. We have to read to them about the heroes of the faith who have gone before us, so that they might see how others have given themselves for Christ and his Kingdom. We absolutely must teach our children who our God is – his person, plan, power, purpose and so on. We must drive home again and again what the gospel is and is not (after all, we’re not trying to merely make better citizens or “behaviorally correct” robots). We must teach them grace and show them grace. They must learn what it means to know, love, and follow Christ. They have to understand that our faith is a total world and life view that addresses every sphere of life.

We are called to create Christian cultures in our homes though the power of God’s Word and Spirit, that those cultures might spill out into every other sphere of life. This is first and foremost our (the parents’) responsibility, not others…not even the church. Our lives for theirs. We must die so they can live.

Can we let go? Of our wants, things, desires, passions – our very lives? We must if we would find real life – abundant life – eternal life. Life in service to the King is not our own…it’s better. Only in dying are we raised. Only in dying are more seeds produced, and therefore, more fruit. Our lives for theirs.

From our commitment and hard daily labor now, what might God do in response? Might he use one of our children, (or one of our children’s children), to bring many to Christ, to redeem the culture, to usher in reformation and revival in the church, to extend the Kingdom of God as never before? We have every reason to believe he will! But we must die. We must fall to the ground and die. We must hate our lives in this world. We must give our lives for our children’s lives, and for their children after them, that God might be pleased and choose to honor us by blessing those for whom we gave our lives.

My life for yours. Our lives for theirs. This is biblical faith.

Grace and Truth,
Dale

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