Gentlemen’s Society

The Gentlemen’s Society is a great program in Texas, teaching young boys how to become men. Here’s a blurb from their website…

The Gentlemen’s Society is a program designed to mentor young men, between the ages of 8 -18, educating them about life choices, self-respect, and goals.  Participants in the program attend weekly, structured courses that include lessons about conflict management, communication, manners, college preparation, personal responsibility and citizenship.

Members of our program participate in Educational Enrichment Functions (“outings”) after school in order to enhance, and test, the course message.  The objectives of the program are to provide young men with the opportunity to gain knowledge about life outside of their home community, and to feel confident in any situation, challenge or task.

Check out the video below, which is part of the Stepping Up curriculum.

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Growing Boys Into Men (with Mark Driscoll)

Per my post yesterday, I thought this was a pretty good follow-up by Driscoll on the same subject. This video is part of a new men’s curriculum called Stepping Up, produced my Family Life.

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Training Your Son for Manhood

As one who spends much time working with men, the question of what it means to be a man comes to my mind often.

What is a man?

When does a boy become a man?

Questions like these are important to ask and even more important to answer well. And, of course, as a Christian I want to answer those questions biblically.

In about five days my oldest son will turn 13 years old. (I will have two teenagers in the house. I give thanks to God that I have such a wise, godly, mature, and hilarious daughter who has helped my wife and me ease into parenting teenagers.) I know there’s nothing inherently magical about the age of 13, but it does seem like a fitting time for a boy to start thinking about manhood… what it means to be a man. It is also crucial, I think, that he begins to be treated in such a way… greater responsibilities, decision-making opportunities, etc. (all under the careful direction of his parents). Those in the Jewish tradition certainly have found a wonderful way to highlight this time in a boy’s life.

Of course, parents shouldn’t wait until their son turns 13 to begin this process. Hopefully, “manhood training” begins at birth. My wife and I have certainly done our best to talk to our boys, in age-appropriate ways, about what it means to be a godly man. Yet, beginning on our sons’ thirteenth birthdays, there will be greater focus and intentionality on helping our sons navigate this time in their lives. I get to put my money where my mouth is in less than a week.

This is all still a work in progress, however, I have been thinking a great deal about how my oldest son and I might spend our time together. (There are some helpful books on raising sons and helping them move their way toward becoming godly young men. I’ll mention them at the end of this post.) Robert Lewis of Men’s Fraternity wrote an outstanding book entitled, Raising A Modern-Day Knight. In that book he makes much of the idea of marking vital times in your sons’ lives with various kinds of ceremony. For the age of 13 he suggests taking your son out to dinner (spend some money on it… not fast food). The purpose of this meal is to mark in your son’s heart and mind the reality that he’s moving toward manhood and will be treated accordingly. This time together can be an opportunity to share stories of your own childhood and journey toward manhood. It can also include hopes and dreams and actual plans for how the two of you will spend the next five years together before he turns 18.

My goal is to spend one morning a week intentionally discipling my son, (away from our home), working through the Bible as well as other helpful books on the subject of godly manhood. It will be a time of checking in with him, praying with and for him, seeing how’s he’s doing, focusing on particular issues in his life, etc. But most of all it will be a time for continuing to build and maintain a close relationship with him. Following our time of focused discipling, we’ll go and grab a bite to eat together and just chat about whatever may come to mind.

Beyond this set-apart intentional time of discipleship, my wife and I want to emphasize to our son that he will have greater responsibility in his life, which we hope to follow through with and give him. Yet there will also be greater privileges as well, which we’re still working out. More to come on all of this later. I’m also checking into how he and I might spend more time together away from home… whether it’s traveling together, attending conferences, outdoor activities, or other types of adventures.

My point in sharing all of this is not to show you that I’ve got it all figured out. I’m quite certain you’ve realized that I don’t. As I said, all of this is in process and I’m sure there will be many failed efforts. My purpose is not to present to you a finished and polished product. Instead, I want to emphasize that we must be intentional in pointing our sons to manhood. The world is only too happy to tell your son what it means to be a man. The video I shared last week by Mark Driscoll makes that point all too well (Make sure to watch it if you haven’t already.). As many others have said well, it’s a dangerous time to be a boy. The culture is certainly not invested in helping your son move in a God-glorifying direction.

A former mentor of  mine used to say often that ”the world will define you by default; the Word will define you only by discipline.” The same is true with regards to your son becoming a godly man. It will not happen by accident or by wishful thinking. It will come only by grace, faith, prayer, and lots of intentionality (not to mention persevering through it all).

I’ll do my best to check in with you and share updates of how it’s going… what’s working and what’s not. I covet your prayers as I begin this journey with my son. I desire even more that you will pray for him so that he will indeed become the godly young man God wants him to be.

Below are a few books that I have found helpful… including some that I am planning on reading through and discussing with my sons.

Grace and Truth,
Dale

1. Future Men by Douglas Wilson
2. Raising A Modern-Day Knight by Robert Lewis
3. The Measure of A Young Man by Gene and Kenton Getz
4. King Me by Steve Farrar
5. The Young Man in the Mirror by Patrick Morley
6. Every Young Man God’s Man by Stephen Arterburn, Kenny Luck and Mike Yorkey
7. A Young Man After God’s Own Heart by Jim George
8. Boyhood and Beyond by Bob Schultz
9. Practical Happiness by Bob Schultz

There are many other good ones that I’ll include soon.

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Mark Driscoll on Manhood

This is such a good message that I have already bribed my two oldest children to watch it. The issues of what a man is and how a boy knows when he becomes a man are so crucial for our day. There’s lots of good material available to help us think through these issues, but I must say that this message by Mark Driscoll is simply fantastic… not to mention hilarious!!!

Carve some time out of your day today and watch this video. It’s only 25 minutes long.

Grace and Truth,
Dale

 

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What’s In A Name? More Than You Think…

You got it from your father
It was all he had to give
So it’s yours to use and cherish
For so long as you may live.

If you lose the watch he gave you
It can always be replaced
But a black mark on your name, son
Can never be erased

It was clean the day you took it
And a worthy name to bear.
When he got it from his father
There was no dishonour there

So make sure you guard it wisely,
After all is said and done
You’ll be glad the name is spotless
When you give it to your son.

Author Unknown

Okay, I would would agree that the poem above could provoke a great deal of stress and pressure in a young boy’s life (not to mention his father’s). No one’s “name” is that pure. And, to be sure, without God’s grace and the power and guidance of God’s Spirit, no one will go through life with an unblemished record. Still… I like the poem as something to bear in mind as I encourage and help my sons navigate their way through life. One day, as part of that instruction and encouragement, I will have to share a few times when their father got quite a few and dark smudges on the family name. And then I shall remind them of the precious Gospel of Jesus Christ.

(By the way, if you want to see an incredibly powerful presentation on the significance of one’s name, watch this scene from The Crucible. In this scene, John Proctor accepts a death sentence for something for which he was innocent, rather than passing on a blemished name to his sons. After several years of searching for this scene, I finally found it. There is a short and helpful little commentary at the beginning… which is worth watching as well. But by all means, please watch the scene that follows it.)

And while I’m feeling like imparting some inspiration to my sons… here’s a great video-version of Rudyard Kipling’s “If.”

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A Few More Notes on Family Worship

Here are the rest of my notes from this past Sunday’s lesson on family worship. Click here to get the notes from part 1.

Possible outline for your family time together…

Caveat: What I have provided in this packet is a variety of different resources for Family Worship. By no means would or should you try to do all the things I have provided. I tried to include things that would be appropriate for the various ages that might be around the table in a variety of families. In fact, it might be better to use these resources throughout several days, not just during one day. Here’s a sample of what you might include during your time of Family Worship…

Open in prayer (it might be a good time to pray for the Lord’s blessing during your time together and to thank God for the opportunity to get together.)

Read something from the Bible. (in your packet I have included a chapter from the Psalms as well as a Bible story from the book of Acts). Not all children’s story Bibles are created equal. Of course, the best book to read is the Bible itself. But there are some fine Bible story books that faithfully capture the biblical text and yet communicate the text in a way that is helpful to children of a variety of ages (including the adults). Click here to learn more about the one that we use.

Sing a hymn or praise chorus (or even the Doxology or Gloria Patri). Remember this is Family Worship. Worship includes singing. When your kids are young, they think you sing great, no matter what the truth is. Worry less about how you sound and more about doing it. If you need to, buy some CDs with songs you know. As my children get older, we’re able to sing hymns from our hymnals. You can purchase used hymnals at used bookstores, flea markets, etc. Buy one whenever you see one. Old hymnals are great spiritual investments.

Read a devotional. (the good thing about devotionals is very often they come with questions, prayers, etc. You can really get the children involved with these.) One of our favorites is called, Sticky Situations. A moral/spiritual dilemma is presented for each day of the year. And for each dilemma, four or five possible responses are offered along with an appropriate Bible verse to help your family reflect on what the right choice should be. My kids LOVE doing this.

Apostles’ Creed, Lord’s Prayer, or Catechism. Work on memorization. Catechisms were used throughout most of Christian history to teach children (and adults) through a sequence of stated questions and answers (with scriptural support). There are some good children’s catechisms available. You’ll be amazed at what your children can memorize. Memorizing is key (understanding it will grow as they get older). Of course, memorizing Scripture should be your top priority.

Prayer – Have time of prayer. Initially mom and dad lead. Take prayer requests. Remember the church, the sick, family, friends, etc. Also, pray for the day (or the next day). Start teaching your children to be thankful. Find things to thank God for. Also, start teaching your children how to pray for forgiveness (repentance). You’ll also want to spend time praising God for who he is. We also pray for missionaries and Christians around the world.

You don’t need to cover every aspect of prayer every single time you pray. But throughout a week, you ought to cover most of it. You don’t want your children growing up thinking that the only time you pray is when you need something from God.

Offer your family a benediction or blessing at the end. Make up something your family might remember and that will be meaningful to them throughout their lives (it could become a family tradition… as well as comforting). Or even better, find a blessing in the Bible and tweak it to make it your family’s official blessing.

Last thoughts…

Again, you won’t always cover all of these components every single time you gather for Family Worship. Sometimes you might. It might be that you do different things throughout the day (in the morning, at dinner, before bed, etc.).

At the end of the day, there’s no magic formula or resource. What will work best for your family will be what you follow through with. In other words, no matter how many resources you have, if you don’t use them, they won’t work for you. Find what works! Don’t stress out. But do something. Be intentional. Trust God.

Grace and Truth,
Dale

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Passing the Baton to the Next Generation

I’ve written many articles and posts, and preached my fair share of sermons on the topic of the importance (which doesn’t seem to be a strong enough word for my taste) of passing our faith on to the next generation. The covenantal nature of our faith requires that we pass it down from generation to generation. The practicality of keeping our faith alive and well, humanly speaking, also demands it.

I mentioned in another post that this past summer I taught a course by Jeff Myers called, Passing the Baton. It was outstanding. I highly recommend it. I told the folks in my church that this was not exclusively a parenting course. It was for any and all adults who work with children and youth, whether those children are your own or students you teach or mentor. We all have the opportunity to influence the next generation for Christ so that his Kingdom might be extended into every sphere of life. Myers helped our class understand the importance of passing on our faith, and was also very practical regarding how that could be done. Again, I highly recommend it.

Yesterday I received via email an article written by Myers (I’ve provided an excerpt and link below). It is a fantastic article which I encourage you to read and act on. But not only is it such a great article, it’s also timely. Here’s why: Today at lunch, my wife and I made plans to send our daughter to a camp this summer that is put on by the Worldview Academy. It’s basically like the Summit Ministries camp that Myers talks about, except that it’s for students 13-18 years of age. Awesome timing. (and by the way, we’ll definitely be sending our children, God willing, to the Summit Ministries camps when they’re old enough.

So, read the following article by Jeff Myers. And after you read that, take a look at some of the things I’ve written on this and similar topics (which I’ve linked below). If we would seek to change the world for Christ, then we must be intentional with those whom God has given us influence.

The Lord bless you,
Dale

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Here’s an excerpt…

This fall, nearly two million American students will leave for college for the very first time. Their education will cost $12,000 a year for a public university and up to $50,000 for a private one. Scholarships and grants reduce the cost for most families, but still, the Wall Street Journal reports that the average student leaves college with $23,186 in debt.

 Nationwide, the total cost for this transaction is somewhere between 25 and 40 billion dollars per year.

 At least families are getting their money’s worth.

 Or not.

 A recent study confirms what many parents have long suspected: going to college can make kids forget what’s important and embrace values that are counter to what they learned growing up.

 Before I share this study’s results, let me say this to parents: leftist professors don’t feel sorry for you. As far as they’re concerned, you’ve been oppressing the masses to get that money anyway, so it’s deliciously ironic that you not only turn your children over to the indoctrinators, but that you fork over 50k to 200k and for the privilege of doing so.

 Don’t take my word for it. Here’s what the late Richard Rorty, one of the most prominent philosophers of the 20th century, said on the subject:

Click here to read the whole article.

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And here are a few of posts that I’ve written on similar themes.

• Raising Her Up in the Lord
• Shaping Culture for Christ
• The Legacy We Leave to Our Children
• My Life for Yours
• Choose This Day
• Discipling Your Kids
• Some Thoughts on Family Worship
• Thoughts on Reading to Your Children
• Thoughts on A Covenant Home
• Pass It On
• Shepherding Sons
• From Generation to Generation
• Future Men (Introductory Thoughts)
• Generation Joshua
• Passing the Baton, Part 1
• Passing the Baton, Part 2
• Passing the Baton, Part 3

Hopefully those will get you started (or keep you moving) in the right direction.

Blessings,
Dale

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