How to Ruin Your Life by 30

Those posts reminded me of a book I just came upon by one of my favorite authors, Steve Farrar. It’s entitled, How To Ruin Your Life by 30. (By the way, I think it’s the perfect gift for both high school and college graduates!) It’s short, simple, and to the point. Better yet, it’s really insightful. Here are Farrar’s nine suggestions for how a young person can do a super job at ruining his or her life by age 30…

Click here to read the whole post as well as all the other great posts for men at Pursuing Godly Manhood.

Stand Firm,
Dale

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What’s Your Reputation? (Men’s Midweek Devotional)

He must also have a good reputation with outsiders, so that he will not fall into disgrace and into the devil’s trap. (1 Timothy 3:7)

You have probably heard the definition of character as “who you are when no one is looking.” You could also say that character is who you are when those who know you best are looking.

In this second chapter of The Measure of a Man, Gene Getz looks at what it takes to build a good reputation. This is rather a tricky area because some folks may enjoy a good reputation superficially because they’re able to reasonably fake it before people they don’t know well and with whom they associate only on an occasional basis. But living a life that builds a good reputation is hard to fake on a regular basis with those who know you best… such as the members of your family who know you most intimately.

Let me hasten to add that the expectation here is not that you’re expected to walk on water. As one person I recently read put it, the idea here is direction, not perfection. The question is: Are you moving in a godly, Christlike direction in your life?

In the Scripture at the top of the devotion, Paul is telling Timothy that the kind of person he should be looking for to exercise leadership in the church needs to have a good reputation. Christians are charged with hypocrisy enough as it is. And even if the charge isn’t always accurate, the mere perception can derail a life or a ministry. Worse still, we don’t want to misrepresent our Lord before a watching world.

Getz suggests that Timothy was such a person… a man with a good reputation. He highlights these three indicators…

1. People were saying positive things about Timothy.
2. More than one person was saying these positive things about Timothy.
3. People in more than one location were saying these positive things about Timothy.

It seems that wherever Timothy was and whomever he was with, he was a godly man living above reproach. Thus, he enjoyed a good reputation.

Ask Someone

Getz recommends that if you want to really know your reputation (as it relates to your genuine character) ask someone who knows you best. This might sting a little, but it’s a good way to get to the truth of who you are… and to serve you in becoming the godly man you want to become.

Ask Yourself

Just as important, we occasionally need to conduct a personal assessment of who we are and what we’re about, etc. Getz suggests asking yourself the following questions (these are great questions, by the way)…

1. Do more and more people select me as a person to share their lives with me?

2. Do people trust me with confidential information?

3. Do my relationships with people grow deeper and more significant the longer they know me and the closer they get to me? Or do my friendships grow strained and shallow as people learn to know what I am really like?

4. Does my circle of friends grow continually wider and larger? Do an increasing number of people trust me?

5. Do people recommend me for significant or difficult tasks without fear of my letting them down?

The point in all of this is not to build a reputation by duplicity and manipulation. To be sure, there are plenty of people doing that. Instead, our goal should be that as we grow in godliness, the authenticity of our increasingly Christlike character will be made evident to all. And that’s how we can represent our Lord well in this world.

Have a great rest of the week.

Your Brother in Christ,
Dale

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Make Your Marriage Sacred, Part 1

Per my earlier post, here’s Part 1 of an interview with Gary Thomas on his book…

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God’s Purpose for Your Marriage

A little over a year ago, our church’s men’s discipleship groups studied a video curriculum by Gary Thomas called, Sacred Marriage. It is a series that’s for husbands and wives to both be a part of, but I thought it would still be useful to study it with just the men. It was fantastic. The study is based on the book by the same name. I have recently begun reading the book and, like the video series, it’s great.

One of the things that struck me as I watched the video, discussed it with our men, and have now been reminded of as I read through the book, is how Thomas focuses on the foundation (you could say, the theology) of marriage and what God’s ultimate purpose is in marriage. The book is not, as he puts it, a three, seven, or ten-step program for a better, happier marriage. Instead, he does some of the hard work of looking at God’s real purpose of marriage… which is to make us holy… not necessarily happy. That’s a hard message to sell… especially in the era of romantic comedies and the Hallmark and Lifetime television channels.

In the first chapter of the book Thomas puts it this way…

…there’s a deeper question that needs to be addressed beyond how we can “improve” our marriage: What if God didn’t design marriage to be “easier”? What if God had an end in mind that went beyond our happiness, our comfort, and our desire to be infatuated and happy as if the world were a perfect place?

What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy?

As Thomas will go on to say in the chapter, holiness and happiness aren’t necessarily contradictory, but a person’s happiness becomes illusory if they think a.) that it’s the sole purpose of the marriage, and b.) that their spouse is the one in whom they will find such ultimate purpose.

The real intention of the book, for Thomas, is to show his readers that marriage, in the same way as abstinence for celibates and isolation for hermits, is a context for spiritual growth. He writes that marriage can become the means by which we can “grow in our service, obedience, character, pursuit, and love of God.”

If I might put it in Wesleyan terminology, marriage is a means of grace by which we draw closer to God and conform more to the likeness of Christ. That’s not a bad deal.

I’ve only just begun the book, so I’m certain there is plenty ahead that will challenge, guide and encourage me. I’ll keep you posted on what I learn. Pray that my wonderful wife might see “in action” what I’m learning from the book as well.

Grace and Truth,
Dale

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Southside Men’s Midweek Devotional: Becoming Faithful Men

I just started reading Gene Getz’s book, The Measure of a Man: 20 Attributes of A Godly Man. I immediately thought that this is something I would love to share with the men of our church family (and a few extras as well). As book after book (as well as human experience) seem to remind us, boys are rapidly growing up in this world without learning what it means to be a man… even fewer understand what it means to be a godly man. Too many are having to make it up on the fly… with disasterous results.

Therefore, I thought I would share some of the insights that I’m gleaning from the book and pass them on to you, with a few extra items that I hope will be a blessing to you. If your email box is already too full  as it is, you can opt out of this weekly devotion by clicking the link at the bottom of this email.

Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. (Philippians 3:12)

The first chapter of the book is a broad overview of everything that Getz will be looking at throughout the rest of the book. The chapter is entitled, “Becoming Faithful Men.”  That’s a key topic as well as an important title. You see, we aren’t born faithful. Just the opposite, in fact. We are born fallen in sin, broken, and far from God. If we’re blessed to be born and raised in a Christian family, we may come to know God earlier in our lives. However, regardless of our background, growing in our faith is a lifelong pursuit. As you can imagine, if our goal is “Christ-likeness,” then we all have a LONG way to go! So I like the word “becoming”, because it highlights the idea of process… not product. We are works in progress (superintended by God himself (Philippians 1:6), and our goal is to continue moving in a Christward direction throughout the course of our entire life.

The word becoming also emphasizes focus and intentionality. No one grows into a godly man by accident. It happens on purpose or it doesn’t happen at all. The Scripture above from Philippians 3:12 captures this idea. The Apostle Paul is laboring and straining to reach the goal of maturity in Christ (i.e., godliness or holiness). It’s an everyday and “on purpose” process that requires nothing less than God’s Spirit working in and through us to give us the will, the strength, and the direction to grow in grace. We won’t grow in our faith apart from the Holy Spirit’s work in our lives, and yet, the Holy Spirit won’t do the work for us. We have to participate in the process.

Finally, Getz uses the word “Faithful” to describe the kind of man he has in mind. Then, borrowing from 1 Timothy and Titus, Getz puts together a list of what we might call the marks of spiritually mature (godly) manhood. Here’s his list…

• a good reputation
• maintaining moral purity
• balance in words and actions
• being wise and humble
• serving as a good role model
• demonstrating unselfishness and generosity
• communicating sensitively in a non-threatening and non-defensive manner
• not being addicted to substances
• not being a self-centered and controlling personality
• void of anger that becomes sinful
• not an abusive person
• non-argumentative and non-divisive
• a sensitive, loving and kind person
• non-materialistic
• a good husband and father
• a good testimony to unbelievers
• pursuing godly activities
• wise, discerning, non-prejudiced, and fair
• holy and righteous
• not a new Christian

Can anyone say they’ve already arrived? Anyone doing perfectly with this list?

Over the weeks to come I hope to look at each one of these headings and offer some thoughts and reflections from Scripture regarding what these characteristics might look like in our lives and how we might, in Paul’s words, “obtain them.”

I’d like to share this closing prayer from Ken Boa…

Faithful Father, as I reflect on the redemptive history recorded in the narratives and oracles of Scripture, I see so many surprising setbacks and breakthroughs. The wisdom of Your Word invites me to view events and circumstances with a long-term perspective. When I only look at the short-term, I get muddled, confused and doubtful, because I allow my immediate circumstances to shape my understanding. But when I contextualize the events of my life in the long-term, I can see that You are indeed causing all things to work together for good to those who love You and are called according to Your purpose. Teach me to affirm that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to Your children in Christ.

I hope this “midweek pick-me-up” has been a blessing to you. Have a great rest of your week.

Your Brother in Christ,
Dale

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A Prayer for Fathers and Their Children

Unto The Next Generation

Deuteronomy 4:9 – Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them slip from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them.

Lord, a family friend planted fruit trees, although years would pass before anyone benefited from his action. I realize that it takes a special individual to plan for the next generation. Develop an obligation in me to pass on what I have received and add to it. Let me plant seeds in my children’s hearts. May I nourish them so they grow into honest and upright citizens who reflect their Creator. Amen.

Children of Power

1 John 5:14-15 – This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us – whatever we ask – we know that we have what we asked of him.

Heavenly Father, I pray my children will understand that they can make a difference through prayer. May they recognize your power and what they can accomplish when they pray in your will. May they pray daily so that they will grow in faith and become the Christian leaders this country needs. I ask you to anoint them with wisdom and give them strength and protection. My desire is that they choose to walk in your will all their days. Amen.

Taken from Prayers with Purpose for Men, Barbour Publishing, Inc. 2010

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What’s In A Name? More Than You Think…

You got it from your father
It was all he had to give
So it’s yours to use and cherish
For so long as you may live.

If you lose the watch he gave you
It can always be replaced
But a black mark on your name, son
Can never be erased

It was clean the day you took it
And a worthy name to bear.
When he got it from his father
There was no dishonour there

So make sure you guard it wisely,
After all is said and done
You’ll be glad the name is spotless
When you give it to your son.

Author Unknown

Okay, I would would agree that the poem above could provoke a great deal of stress and pressure in a young boy’s life (not to mention his father’s). No one’s “name” is that pure. And, to be sure, without God’s grace and the power and guidance of God’s Spirit, no one will go through life with an unblemished record. Still… I like the poem as something to bear in mind as I encourage and help my sons navigate their way through life. One day, as part of that instruction and encouragement, I will have to share a few times when their father got quite a few and dark smudges on the family name. And then I shall remind them of the precious Gospel of Jesus Christ.

(By the way, if you want to see an incredibly powerful presentation on the significance of one’s name, watch this scene from The Crucible. In this scene, John Proctor accepts a death sentence for something for which he was innocent, rather than passing on a blemished name to his sons. After several years of searching for this scene, I finally found it. There is a short and helpful little commentary at the beginning… which is worth watching as well. But by all means, please watch the scene that follows it.)

And while I’m feeling like imparting some inspiration to my sons… here’s a great video-version of Rudyard Kipling’s “If.”

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