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Posts Tagged ‘Marriage’

451876_1_ftcBeginning this January, as part of our Wonderful Wednesday programming, my wife, Suzanne, and I will be leading a new study based on the book, Love & Respect, by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs.

Two subtitles of the book shed a little light on the title. One is, “The Love She Most Desires.” The other is, “The Respect He Desperately Needs.” The touchstone text for this book is found in Ephesians 5. There the Apostle Paul writes…

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. (Ephesians 5:25-33)

Suzanne and I are still hammering out some of the details of how we’re going to teach this class. However, what we can say right now is that after the first session (where everyone will be together), we’re going to break the class into the two groups – husbands and wives. Knowing that not all couples will be able to attend this class together due to volunteer issues, work issues, etc., we wanted to make sure that those obstacles wouldn’t hinder a husband or wife from still attending on their own.

I feel compelled to add that nothing I do as a pastor makes me feel as hypocritical as leading a class on marriage. I’m working hard in this area, but I want everyone to know that this is very much a “do as I say, and not as I do” sort of thing. For this study I promise to do my best… to study hard, teach the book, lead the discussion, and try to add value in as many ways as possible. But in no way should I be looked at as an expert who has got it all figured out and who is executing the plan with perfect precision!!! Now, Suzanne on the other hand, is a well-oiled marriage-machine who is really going to bless the women.

So, as it stands right now, we’re going to start this study with an Introduction on Wednesday evening, January 9th, right after our fellowship dinner (which I hope you can also attend). We will meet that evening in the Family Life Center here at Southside.

Also, please let me know if you’re planning on being a part of this class so that we can prepare as well as possible.

Suzanne and I are very excited about leading this new study. Pray for us over the next few weeks as we prepare and iron out the remaining details. I think it’s going to be a great time of growing  more and more as the husbands and wives that God has called us to be.

Blessings,
Dale

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Deepak Reju at Grace & Truth shares a helpful list of ways that Satan delights in seeing a couple’s marriage fall apart. It’s a helpful list because, as the old saying goes, to be forwarned is to be forearmed. He writes…

According the Bible, Satan prowls around like a lion looking for someone to devour (1 Peter 5:8), but many times, he probably doesn’t have to do that much. I wonder if sometimes Satan sits back and laughs at us.

Marriage can be extremely messy. As sinners we can do dumb things in marriage—we hurt one another; we make false assumptions and then miscommunicate; we manipulate or say mean things to our spouse; we think less about serving and more about being served. We don’t always follow God’s Word or advice from godly leaders. We put our hopes in the world or each other more than we put hope in God.

We don’t need Satan to ruin our marriage. We do plenty of unhelpful things on our own to ruin our marriages. I’m sure Satan enjoys having a front row seat, watching our folly and foolishness.

What does he see?

Click here to read his list.

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A little over a year ago, our church’s men’s discipleship groups studied a video curriculum by Gary Thomas called, Sacred Marriage. It is a series that’s for husbands and wives to both be a part of, but I thought it would still be useful to study it with just the men. It was fantastic. The study is based on the book by the same name. I have recently begun reading the book and, like the video series, it’s great.

One of the things that struck me as I watched the video, discussed it with our men, and have now been reminded of as I read through the book, is how Thomas focuses on the foundation (you could say, the theology) of marriage and what God’s ultimate purpose is in marriage. The book is not, as he puts it, a three, seven, or ten-step program for a better, happier marriage. Instead, he does some of the hard work of looking at God’s real purpose of marriage… which is to make us holy… not necessarily happy. That’s a hard message to sell… especially in the era of romantic comedies and the Hallmark and Lifetime television channels.

In the first chapter of the book Thomas puts it this way…

…there’s a deeper question that needs to be addressed beyond how we can “improve” our marriage: What if God didn’t design marriage to be “easier”? What if God had an end in mind that went beyond our happiness, our comfort, and our desire to be infatuated and happy as if the world were a perfect place?

What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy?

As Thomas will go on to say in the chapter, holiness and happiness aren’t necessarily contradictory, but a person’s happiness becomes illusory if they think a.) that it’s the sole purpose of the marriage, and b.) that their spouse is the one in whom they will find such ultimate purpose.

The real intention of the book, for Thomas, is to show his readers that marriage, in the same way as abstinence for celibates and isolation for hermits, is a context for spiritual growth. He writes that marriage can become the means by which we can “grow in our service, obedience, character, pursuit, and love of God.”

If I might put it in Wesleyan terminology, marriage is a means of grace by which we draw closer to God and conform more to the likeness of Christ. That’s not a bad deal.

I’ve only just begun the book, so I’m certain there is plenty ahead that will challenge, guide and encourage me. I’ll keep you posted on what I learn. Pray that my wonderful wife might see “in action” what I’m learning from the book as well.

Grace and Truth,
Dale

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Funny…

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When someone tells me that I “need” to experience something… or I “must” do such and such… or I just “have to” go somewhere… I often turn them off right away. I’m sure it’s a pride issue that I have. But my usual and immediate thought is… “I “need” Jesus… I don’t “need” this (whatever “this” is). Again, this is not something I’m proud of… it’s more of a confession than anything else.

So with that very clear caveat let me declare as best I can, you really ought to take 8 or 9 minutes to watch the following video. I received the following email this morning from DesiringGod which sets up the video…

The Story of Ian and Larissa

Dear Friends,

Desiring God exists to help people everywhere understand and embrace the truth that God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in him. And I would add, especially in suffering.

Being satisfied in God (or anything) always seems easier when all is going well. But when things you love are being stripped out of your hands, then the test is real. If God remains precious in those moments, then his supreme worth shines more brightly. He is most glorified.

The most meaningful testimonies I receive are when people tell me that it was a vision of the sovereignty and goodness of God that got them through the most difficult times of their life.

Here is one of those testimonies. I tremble with the glad responsibility of introducing you to Ian & Larissa Murphy in this video. Tremble, because it is their story and so personal. So delicate. So easily abused. So unfinished. Glad, because Christ is exalted over all things.

We have a big vision at Desiring God: we want to reach as many people as possible with our message of Christian Hedonism—the gladness of God in being God and in making people glad in him. We have at our disposal the amazing power of the Web. That is our main way of spreading.

But internet statistics can conceal as well as reveal. These are people. Each Website visit represents a real person with an eternal soul. What a responsibility! Pray for us that we would steward our influence well. And thank you for your partnership to make this ministry possible.

Love Ian and Larissa as you watch this amazing story. Pray for them. And us.

Your partner in the greatest cause,

John Piper
With Josh Etter

Here’s the video…

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The Seventh Commandment

108. Question: What does the seventh commandment teach us?

Answer: That all unchastity is cursed by God.[1] We must therefore detest it from the heart[2] and live chaste and disciplined lives, both within and outside of holy marriage.[3]

[1] Lev. 18:30; Eph. 5:3-5. [2] Jude 22, 23. [3] I Cor. 7:1-9; I Thess. 4:3-8; Heb. 13:4.

109. Question: Does God in this commandment forbid nothing more than adultery and similar shameful sins?

Answer: Since we, body and soul, are temples of the Holy Spirit, it is God’s will that we keep ourselves pure and holy. Therefore He forbids all unchaste acts, gestures, words, thoughts, desires,[1] and whatever may entice us to unchastity.[2]

[1] Matt. 5:27-29; I Cor. 6:18-20; Eph. 5:3, 4. [2] I Cor. 15:33; Eph. 5:18.

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I’ve started a new blog that I’m calling, Pursuing Godly Manhood. Below are a few highlights from this week’s postings. I would love for you to take a look around it and let me know what you think… what’s missing… etc.

Enjoy,
Dale

About

Godly Manhood

Marriage

Fatherhood

Fathers & Daughters

Shepherding Sons

Work & Vocation

Worldview

Men’s Ministry

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